May 2013
51 posts
and now I’m slipping back into that place where everything I do feels pointless, meaningless, fruitless
I keep thinking that if I please the rest of the world, I will in turn please myself
…that’s not really how it works though, is it
blow
“I want you to know, if you ever read this, there was a time when I would rather...”
– Maggie Nelson, from Bluets (via violentwavesofemotion)
I send asks and then get anxious about opening my inbox
tumblr was more fun when I only had a couple hundred and some followers
when my text posts were noticed, when people actually watched the videos I posted, when people appreciated my taste in music and art, when I had meaningful conversations in ask boxes
it’s all mostly vanished
now it’s just mindless reblogging and people only care about the prettiest of pictures and the funniest,...
I’m sorry asian stalker ex boyfriend guy
I was so cruel to you, I wish I could take that back
I’m glad you’re happy and doing well for yourself
I’d feel bad for every time you had to think of me again
if it’s not doing you any good, why keep doing it?
I could learn so much from this.
Being a pessimist is bad.
Am I a pessimist for saying that?
I know we have a lot in common. Our common pains and tribulations, the similarities in our bad experiences with life. But it brings me little comfort.
You do feel very similar to me. But when I look at you, I’m reminded of all the bad things about myself. I see all the things that I’ve been doing wrong. And I have to thank you for being that mirror that has allowed me to open my eyes...
It’s not like you’re the only one that I don’t talk to anymore. I have isolated myself from pretty much EVERYONE. And it feels like YOU are trying to hold yourself higher than anyone because you’ve been through some shit too. It doesn’t matter how much you say it isn’t, it doesn’t matter how nice you think you’re being about it.
You put so much...
“I don’t think there’s anything sadder than when two people are meant to be...”
– Walter Bishop (via showslow)
basement level ramen supplies are low, I’m on my last package
down to four pizza pops, two freezies, a can of ravioli, two crispers full of probably rotten vegetables, and a bag of dry pasta that I can’t do anything with
brand new low in my life
trophy for freaking out over absolutely nothing all the time goes to
me
After you left, I promised myself I wouldn’t talk to you unless you talked to me. And I kept it. I even ignored your first couple of text messages, because I was actually feeling kind of okay.
And then we were talking a while, and I started to get so happy like I do when I’m talking to you.
But now you’ve disappeared twice, not saying where you’re going or what...
it’s a good thing I’m too afraid to leave the house
I feel like walking into traffic
1 tag
I invited you into my home, with open arms, with a giving heart
holding no obligations of my own against you
and when my home, my whole life, fell apart —
after I had given you all that I had left —
you ditched me on somebody else’s doorstep
I get pinned down with the consequences and you get off scot-free.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just an over-emotional child.
I don’t know how to grow up.
So many parts of me don’t want to.
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All alone again now.
I feel so terrible.
Is it time to let go?
I am the universe in sheep’s clothing
So…are we done yet?
No, no, it’s fine, I’ll be fine
you go ahead, run off to another city, another province, go live with the father that you have hated so much, go hang out with all your friends there, go have a visit with all the other women that have fallen in love with you, like I thought I had too
at one point, you used to actually care
you used to act so differently for...
maybe I should start getting serious about meditation
do you think it could help me?
he believes that he is incapable of love
that should say something to me
but I guess I just thought I could help
when Monday comes, we’ll say goodbye
I told myself I could just run away with him and everything would be alright.
conclusion: don’t get romantically involved with people like carnies or hitch hikers unless you can really, and I mean REALLY, convince yourself that you won’t be heartbroken when it’s time for them to run away again
nothing against carnies or hitch hikers
I just run into a lot of problems when I’m too busy romanticizing with thoughts of an adventurous escape from my...
he also says he’s going to get a job when he gets to calgary
he also has said that while we’ve been here but it never happened
not that i can say anything about that at all
…not that i can even care
my prediction is that he ends up going back to the carnival
he’s leaving
he’s leaving this weekend
i wanted to go with him before
but it’s not going to work out i guess
he doesn’t want to be trapped in a room with me for that long anymore
to be honest, i wouldn’t either
not in the state i’m in
I wanted to declare that things really aren’t going as planned, but then I realized I never really had a legitimate plan in the first place
half a year has gone by already and I feel like I’m getting reduced down to nothing, what little I had left to stand on before is crumbling away underneath me
it’s the same old story over and over again: my happiness disappears into...
“I noticed myself wishing that nothing loved me so I wouldn’t feel obligated to...”
– Hyperbole and a Half- Depression Part Two (via disgustinghuman)
i had to kick him out of my bed
he doesn’t even want to sleep in my bed next to me
he wants time and space away from me, which is fine
but he fell asleep in my bed again and i tried to get him to go eat dinner but he wouldn’t get up
so i had to make him leave
because i was about to have an anxiety attack over everything
and he just kept laying there and it was making it worse
so...
“I’ve memorized all the fish in the sea
I’ve memorized each opportunity...”
– “Memory” by Charles Bukowski
(What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire)
6 tags
note to self
it feels as though I’m having a moment or two of clarity. it’s peaceful, it’s calming, it’s refreshing.
And to the me that has been sad, depressed, and hopeless, and might come back for visits in the future: this isn’t you, this isn’t who you are, this isn’t all that there is in the world you’re so caught up in your own little corner of the world I...
I just remembered that thing you said, about a life of pain or numbness or sadness, would be worth it for even that one day of happiness and sunshine
how can I remind you of that?
how can I remember it for myself, when I’m feeling down?
why is it easier to remember the things you need to remember…when you’re not even the one that needs it at the time?
one day we’ll get...
this blog is shit
I would apologize to those few of you who follow me on this one but I can’t really because this was never meant to be used for quality blogging
you know what you signed up for
I just have to remember it, too
1 tag
uh
what is with all these underage UK girls following me suddenly
holy wow
one of them is 14 and looks like zooey deschanel
WHAT DO I DO
why the fuck am I here
it always feels like he notices everyone but me
and I notice few others next to him
if I changed my perspective, do you think it could change the way I feel?
he’s a freeloader
he’s an impenetrable barrier
he’s mostly unemotional
so he doesn’t stick around if someone’s sad
and he’d rather be alone when he feels sad
he doesn’t usually seek comfort in others
he claims to be impervious to peer pressure
he has a tendency to be hypocritical
and a tendency to not give a shit even if you point it out
he has a...
i didn’t even DO anything and there’s probably going to be a drama fest when Sab gets home wahahaha
life’s so hard, wah wah
let it go
it’s too heavy
just let it fucking go
